MUTED FEELINGS

They ask me to be grateful for the things I have, But my damned heart longs for the love I lack, Wouldn't it be a relief to bond  with another soul and let oxytocin flow? But I feel so empty and dead that I can barely feel, I watch romantic series to escape my boring reality, Hoping an imaginary story  would rescue me from the wrath of hopelessness, I long to be the happy carefree child I used to be, Lonely meaningless adulthood sucks the energy killing me alive.

Be a 'good girl ' That's what she wanted me to be, That's what I wanted the world to see, I was molded to become the good child, And lost the real me as time whiled, Spent my childhood days praying for my family , Sacrificed the pleasures of youth and dreams that seemed heavenly, I was considered as my family's saviour, But also as the family's  battle initiator, Time tainted each member's real nature, And revealed the toxic characteristics of every  god made creature,  I realised how my family's love made me sick, But no matter what ,with them I make sure to stick,  I die a bit every day dreaming of some space and freedom, Struggling in doubt to hold or let go of fights that happen random, Realising that no one can understand or save, I put my feelings in write ups I rave

  The beginning days  Never knew what my talent was..never knew what I was good at..But he inspired me.Couldn’t express how I felt to him.I couldn’t identify if it was infatuation or love..Feelings for him existed and there seemed no way to tell it to him.Keeping it inside myself was suffocating that’s when sublimation began I guess I started to write.Emotions found their escape as words.It was 2013, when I wrote this.Grew up reading posts on google plus.Quotes and stuff.It was some unrequited love..Loved the night sky and stars and it seemed very mystical.Back then being in some spell of his ,the moon always reminded me of him.And he never knew how I felt how about him.